by Garet Libbey and Meredith Monk Ford
“The human soul doesn't want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed…exactly as it is.”
- Parker Palmer
Historically, leadership has been associated with decisiveness, authority, and control. Traditional leadership models were predominantly hierarchical and task-oriented, emphasizing efficiency, productivity, and command. Empathy and listening were viewed as "soft skills”, secondary to more important "hard skills", such as strategic planning, financial acumen, and technical expertise. Less quantifiable, these “soft skills” were downplayed and deemed less critical to institutional success.
While this may have worked in the industrial era of the early 20th century, now decades old research and the volatile environments we work in have debunked the myth that empathy and listening are unimportant. Daniel Goleman's early work on Emotional Intelligence (EQ) highlighted that leaders with high emotional intelligence, which includes empathy and active listening, create more positive work environments. More recently, researchers like Jamil Zakil further prove the value of empathy and listening. We know from these researchers that when people feel like their manager is empathic, people call in sick less for stress-related illnesses; there's less burnout and stronger morale; and people work harder, more efficiently, and are more likely to take risks and innovate.
While this is not new information, effectively executing these skills consistently continues to be difficult. There are a few reasons for this:
When a colleague comes to us with a concern, we want to problem solve for them. Yet research shows that when someone solves a problem on their own, their sense of well-being doubles. Coaching and guiding from the side is better for building self-efficacy and trust.
In a study called the Good Samaritan study, students were tasked with preparing a lecture on the parable of the Good Samaritan, a story about helping those in need. After preparing, they were instructed to deliver their lecture across campus. Some students were told they had plenty of time to get to the lecture location, while others were told they were running late and needed to hurry. As the students crossed the campus, they encountered individuals who appeared to be in distress and in need of help. The study revealed striking differences in behavior based on the perceived urgency of their task: When students were not in a hurry, more than 70% of the students stopped to help the distressed individuals. When students thought they were late, this number dropped. Only 10% stopped to offer assistance.
This means we have to practice these skills, even if we already know them, so that we can counter those natural tendencies when we have the opportunity for connection during the school day. To do this, we can focus on three things:
Develop and hone your level 2 and 3 listening skills which move you beyond awareness of yourself. At level 1 listening, we hear the words of the other person, but we are thinking about what it means for us personally. How long will this take to help fix? Do I have a budget for that?. At level 2 and 3, you are thinking about the other person and the space and energy around them. What are they saying? What aren’t they saying? How is their energy changing as we talk about this situation?
One of the most powerful tools here is mirroring. You may mirror back to them their emotions, body language, or words in service of deepening the conversation.
We can do this by using powerful, open-ended questions. These are often simple and start with what and how, not why. Remember that the reason for asking is not only so you can hear the answer. It is also so the person you are talking to can hear the answer and learn from it.
Strategic listening is a powerful tool for school leaders. By actively engaging with staff and fostering an environment of open communication, leaders can drive school improvement and create a more inclusive, responsive, and effective educational setting. Embracing the power of listening can transform not only individual relationships but also the broader school culture.
Communication skills like empathetic and intentional listening improve the employee experience and school culture. The challenge is that implementing them school-wide is hard to manage and track. How do you know people are using these skills and using them effectively? Using myFolio to support goal-setting, plan for conversations and observations, and provide space for reflection ensures that this work is scheduled and visible over the course of the school year.
These skills do not always come naturally to us and having a place like myFolio where we can be intentional about tracking, reviewing, reflecting and making the time for these conversations is a critical piece of the puzzle. We all get better with practice and when you use myFolio to make these types of conversations a priority and build on them over time – you are more likely to have leaders who consistently use effective strategies like empathetic listening.